My girlfriend’s roommate has a new cat. A 12 years old cat that was belonging to a lady who moved to a nursing home. The cat needed a new home for his last years of living.
When he arrived, he immediately went under the bed and stayed there the whole day.
I was so impressed by the roommate who was not trying to push him out, and instead, she offered him the food and the cat’s box under the bed, and gently every now and then she was inviting him for a caress or to eat from her hand… but the cat stayed under the bed.
And he stayed there- A few days, a week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 4 weeks and the cat was still under the bed !!!
And the roommate- very patient, no pushing. Gently inviting.
Few days ago, the cat came out and walked all over, discovering every corner of the house. Now, the house is his home- we can caress and play with him, he stays all day near her on the bed, and he is furring like crazy.
He needed 4 weeks to get safe !
This reminds me of a story an NVC trainer told me once- 3 years ago, when her son went first day to primary school, he was hiding under the table in the classroom and wanted her to stay there with him. She stayed with him during 3 full days (!) under the table (!) No pushing. After 3 days, he himself went out because he already new the kids and wanted to play with them.
And last- I gave a session to a woman few days ago. In a certain moment she felt very heavy, and said : “Yoram I suddenly feel so heavy, it is horrible”.
I told her: “Do you think ‘something is wrong’?'”
She said: “Yes, it’s not normal, what should I do?”
I told her: “well, I trust your body, I trust heaviness that it is there for a reason. My tendency is to let the heaviness be there and do the work it is there to do”.
She looked at me and said- “Ok, so what should I do?”
I said: “What I like to do with unpleasant feelings is to breath and feel intimately the sensations of of the feeling in me and see where it tries to direct me to”.
She said: “ok”. She then closed her eyes, and let her neck and torso gently be pulled down toward the floor.. she breathed and was silent for some moments. It took less than a minute before she suddenly lifted her eyes to me and said: “strange, suddenly I don’t feel heavy anymore, I feel strength coming into my body from the floor”.
Whenever a feeling is welcomed, it cannot stay there more than a minute before it transforms into something else. I grew up in a culture that taught me that whenever I have an unpleasant feeling, I should go up to my brain and think- “something is wrong, what should I do to make the feeling go away?”. I now see that this sort of thinking (jackal) tends to bring stress instead of creativity.
Unpleasant feeling is there to serve life, it is there to direct my body to take care of itself. Before doing, I want to listen. Listen to my feeling as a great guide to the natural wisdom of the body to take care of life.
Yoram