Human Stories

The ‘clicks’: Trusting feelings to lead my life

When the psychologist Carl Jung was about 50 or 60 years old (I don’t remember exactly), suddenly he felt like playing with sand. He didn’t know why. He just felt like it. So he sat in the sandbox and played with sand for days and days. 
Out of this, came his theory about symbolism, and the ‘sand-play therapy’.

This Newsletter is about the core of my attraction to NVC and my path in life in general: Trusting the intelligence in my body (my feelings) to lead and design my life, my relationships, choices and dialogues.
I call it: having a ‘Click’. You can read all about it below (under the courses description).

What do I mean with ‘click’
‘Click’ is a moment when I can sense a connection happening within me in relation to something outside of me, especially when my brain at first has no idea about ‘why? What’s the meaning of it?’ (such as in the case of Carl Jung playing with sand). Following ‘clicks’ is letting my unconscious (being communicated through my feelings) to design my life and my choices.

I like so much when children say: “I feel like…”: I feel like playing football in the park… I feel like cutting the hands of this puppet with scissors… I feel like jumping on a trampoline…I feel like waking you up now and singing annoying songs in your ears… And when you ask them: “Why do you do that?” They say: “Because I feel like it”.

Following ‘Clicks’ is to trust my Feelings and Needs to guide my life. So often I do not trust my feeling, for example: I feel angry and think: Why am I getting so quickly angry all the time??? While anger is a beautiful way my body is trying to help me stand for Needs. 
Or: I feel impatient, and I think to myself: common, be patient. While impatience is ‘passion for life’- it is that I do not wish to waste a second of my life without having it serving meaning.
If I am successful in getting rid of a feeling I have, it would lead me to get disconnected from a precious intelligence that leads me to care for and connect to life.

Here are few examples of what I mean with letting ‘clicks’ design my life:

Wim Wenders:
I heard of the German film director Wim Winders (I never checked if this story is true or not, but I like it anyway): He went to a clothing store to buy himself a suit. He tried something on and when looking at the mirror he thought to himself: “with this suit, I look a bit like my father!” followed by another thought: “The person who designed this cloth, knows something about my Dad!”. He followed this (irrational) ‘click’ and made a documentary film about the Japanese fashion designer who designed that suit. 
My guess is that in that moment he had absolutely no idea why or what the meaning in doing it, he just followed it with trust giving it the chance to maybe unravel something he is not aware of.

My house:
Since I remember myself I have a certain pain in the center of my chest. It resonates with me as ‘Anxiety’. I do not know what it is, where is it coming from nor what it tries to tell me.
– First click: A while ago I watched Desmund Tutu. Looking at him, I got the sense- he doesn’t have this same anxiety I have, he seems to contribute in the world from a place of relaxation. He functions not out of anxiety but out of…. Relaxation. I sense there is a path for me there: Can I contribute as much or even more from a place of relaxation? I decided to dedicate the coming years to this experiment.
– Second click: Green fields has an affect on me- they relax and open something in this area around my heart. 
The last 12 years I live in Amsterdam and all my life I lived in cities. I never thought I will ever leave Amsterdam, I never thought I will ever leave the city. Without much understanding of it, I decided a few months ago to move out of Amsterdam and live in front of such a green field (country side), and see if that will bring me any closer to the quality I see in Desmund Tutu 🙂. 
I am still shocked that I bought a house (!!) based on a mysterious click which I have no idea what really it is is or isn’t. Yet I like that I follow it.

In relationships and in daily life:
Following clicks is not only about ‘big life decisions’ but also small day to day decisions where I am challenged in following the direction that is coming to me through the feeling in my body:
Few years ago it was the birthday of my girlfriend. We prepared to go with her friends to eat lunch and celebrate her birthday. A moment before leaving the house, she noticed I was acting a bit weirdly. She checked on me and managed to take it out of me: “You don’t really feel like going, aren’t you?”. I didn’t, and I didn’t have the courage to say it. It is her birthday, all was prepared…
She supported me to follow my click and I stayed home. While being home, suddenly I had a movement from within to celebrate her birthday. I went to buy roses, baked a vegan chocolate cake for her, and when she came back home she had a whole surprise waiting for her. 
That was by far more pleasurable way for me to ‘give’, and she definitely received a more loving birthday by me NOT going to lunch with her friends. 
Following clicks tends to serve life in yet unknown ways.

I do not have much regrets in my life, but I do have 1 regret that really stands out: When I was 21, I fell in love with a Japanese approach to dance called ‘Butoh’. I was totally grabbed by it via videos I was watching but there was no teachers in Israel who had experience with it. I decided to go to Japan to study with Kazuo Ono, a Butoh master of 90 years old. Together with my girlfriend we booked flight tickets. 1 week before leaving we had a conflict that put our relationship with a question mark, and we decided to cancel the trip. 
This connection I had with Butoh at that very moment was unique and would never come back again in the same way (not to mention that Kazuo Ono is not alive anymore…). It was a moment in time and I didn’t follow it. I didn’t follow that click.

Regret 2:
2 months ago we were on the island of Madeira and we went to swim with wild Dolphins in the ocean. I was in the water and there was a group of dolphins swimming around me. At one moment, 1 dolphin slowed down, and looked at me for some good 5-8 seconds tilting his head slightly diagonal (like when dogs are hearing a curious sound). I noticed- he really saw me. It was like a bang in my heart and I wanted to stay there forever… I have very little idea of what this moment meant to me. There was a ‘click’. If I would be courageous enough, I would simply cancel my flight ticket and stay there. I didn’t.

My dream:At the end of my life,I imagine myself laying down on my death bed looking back at my life and think: Yes, I followed clicks- I let my feelings design my life. Then I know: I lived MY life (rather than living the life others told me I should live), I lived the life I was meant to live led and designed by the immense intelligence that is in my body. I am happy.
If I didn’t follow clicks, I will be disappointed: I didn’t give a chance for life to be magical.


P.S. : Following my ‘Desmund Tutu click project’, I will not be teaching myself the weekly online courses in October-December as I am used to. I do this in order to create myself some space to connect to life also in different ways than through teaching (which I love). I will continue teaching all the Year long trainings and weekend workshops. I do not know if my experiment will continue in the next period (January-April) or not. It is not exactly up to me… 🙂