Few weeks ago, A Polish colleague of mine, while sitting together in her office, she asked me- “Yoram, I would like to teach together with you, shall we organize a workshop together?”.
My first inner reaction was immediately “No”. So before answering her, I told her- “wait, let me think for a moment…”. I looked inside to understand- why I do not want, and to then express to her my “No” in Giraffe. I watched inside and saw these thoughts- “I don’t know her…I don’t appreciate her enough…I prefer teaching alone it is more simple and I earn more money…why does she put me in this embarrassing situation of telling her No and hurting her…”
While trying to get my needs underneath these thoughts, suddenly, it came to me. The reminder- “whenever someone is asking me something, they carry a secret unspoken question- Do I matter”. Oceans of vulnerability…
So I told her- “wow, I actually so appreciating you daring to ask me this question, taking the risk to hear a “No” ! I imagine this asks much courage from you, is it?”.
She blushed, looked at the floor with a small smile, she said “yes, that was really scary to ask…”
I got touched by this blush and little smile. Seeing this little soft hidden side, so human, I felt love and appreciation toward her.
Being more open, curiosity came to me and I asked her- “actually, I am curious to hear your reasons- why do you want to teach with me?”.
She then shared- she told me very specific things about what she appreciate in the way I teach, why she would like to experience teaching together and how she imagine we can compliment each other”. After about 5-6 minutes of her talking I find myself telling her- “I am surprised about what I’m going to tell you- YES, I would like to teach together with you!”.
I just got inspired ! How nice it is to open myself up to a dialogue that can shift me and lead me to new adventures.
I find it so sweet to remember:
When your partner is asking you to clean the dishes
When your child is asking you for a candy
When a friend is asking you to help fix something
Or when a stranger is asking you where the next bus leaves
Know, more than about cleaning, candy, fixing or information, there is a human being in front of you, vulnerable standing there with the utmost vulnerable question: “Do I matter? Do you see me? Do my needs matter?”.
If you address this question first, miracles in the relationships can happen.
Yoram